Losing One's Ambition

I don't know if that is an appropriate title for this blog but I am now seeking out permanent employment in eeek can I say this out loud? the government or in one of the big employers like Northwestel. It kind of feels like I am giving up but I no longer have the will to go out and try to make a business for myself. I had a store in Carcross for a few years that was seasonal and did well but I gave it up to run a restaurant there instead. My father asked me why I didn't do both but it was impossible to find reliable staff for one business let alone two. The lack of staff made me walk away from the restaurant even though it was a big money maker. I wanted to have a life and my kids were always saying they never saw me. Then I opened a store in Whitehorse and everyone said what a great idea it was. It was a learning experience. Private retail is doable but you have to be committed to putting in years and to working long hours to get established and I realized that kids clothing just did not interest me enough. So now I am thinking about retirement and how I will acheive that and it certainly won't be by being an entrepreneur. The taxes and fees and labour stuff a private business person has to pay out makes it too difficult and on top of that you have no benefits and the risk of losing it all is too great. It is too bad that this is what we have become. It is kind of pathetic that the most sought after jobs in Yukon are with the government. I remember a conversation I had at my store with a customer just before I closed and she was saying how it was too bad I was closing since my store was the only option besides Walmart for this age group. I said Yes, it was too bad but the locals don't want to support it. Her response was that since she travelled outside 3 times a month (with her government job) she did all her shopping outside. Then she looked appropriately embarassed that she had actually admitted that to me. I can't hold it against people, most of my friends with kids in the age group I catered to never came in either. If you can't get your friends to come in you have a problem.
So, I guess I am going to join the others who have gone into the public sector. Most of them seem to hate their jobs or find them boring but the big paycheck and stability and benefits outweigh the cons.
Now the big hurdle is to see if anyone will hire me.